Money Talk: Why and how to create a healthy dialogue with your family

When was the last time you sat down with your spouse and talked about money? It’s not uncommon for couples to avoid such conversations. Why? Because they frequently lead to conflict. However, avoiding the topic can create a beast of its own that leads to long-term turmoil – both emotional and financial.

When individuals merge into couples, they bring their unique experiences around money into the relationship. For example, one may have learned money management skills while growing up, while the other may have been raised in a household where spending was reckless.

Even if you and your spouse have differing experiences, it’s essential to find a middle ground; a place where you can focus less on one another’s habits and past behaviours and more on your mutual priorities – priorities that can then be addressed in a financial plan to support your family’s wellbeing, now and in the future.

Why start the conversation?

Whether you speak or remain silent, your future is going to unfold. If you want your hopes and dreams to unfold alongside it, you need to share them with your partner and create a spending, debt management, and investing plan that aligns. You also need to agree on what happens should one of you fall ill or die.

While most of us proclaim that we’d do anything to protect the ones we love, few Canadians have an updated will, not to mention a power of attorney/living will. Without up-to-date estate planning documents in place, you leave the future health and wellbeing of you and your family members to chance.

Transparency is key.

Conversations about money may be hard to have, but have them nonetheless. Be fully transparent and encourage the rest of your family to do the same – children included. Open communication leads to healthier relationships all round. Of course, your kids may not have the final say when it comes to financial decisions, but openly discussing important financial matters with them today will help minimize surprises that could lead to rivalry and possibly even lawsuits down the road.

Here are a few considerations to help you create an open and harmonious dialogue:

Set a start and finish time. Nobody likes to feel ambushed so set parameters around your conversation.  Schedule it ahead of time so all participants have a chance to feel mentally prepared, and put a limit on the duration of your discussion so that nobody has to fear getting trapped in a never-ending debate.

Park your judgement. Conversation is a two-way street, so be prepared to listen. Avoid trying to come up with responses while other people are talking. Instead, give your full attention to the art of listening with a view to understanding what your family members have to say.

Focus on the future. Keep the objective of your discussion in mind. The goal is to understand each other’s wants and needs for the future. If those wants and needs aren’t 100% aligned, that’s OK. With understanding, time, and third-party support if and when needed, you’ll figure out where to make compromises that serve the greatest good for all.

Money is a sensitive subject and a source of great strife for many couples. At Foundation Wealth Partners, facilitating sensitive conversations is one of our greatest strengths. If you’d like help navigating a financial discussion with your family members, contact Foundation Wealth Partners to speak to an FEA.